General Life Update

This is just a post to let people know how things are going in various aspects of our lives. I'm just realizing that there are people who read my blog because they genuinely want to keep up with me, and I haven't been doing the best at that, so I'm sorry. Here is what's going on in various areas of life:

School: I'm still in grad school, halfway through the fall semester. These past few weeks have been extremely busy with work, three classes, a practicum, and Bible study, and I'm a bit overloaded. Overall, though, the program has been great and I enjoy my classes. (Well, I enjoy most of them...) It has tremendously helped my emotional health to spend a lot of time in a place where no one thinks to ask/grill/interrogate me about when we will have kids, why we don't have kids, and various and sundry biological clock issues. I've met some great friends through my program as well. I will be finished in April, so I'm starting to think about when to apply for a job in my field. Yikes!

Work: I still work at my church, though I cut my hours back because of school. I am honestly praying about how long to continue in this position. I love my church, but I want to do the best I can at my job, and it's hard to do that when I am so drained by school, etc. We shall see.

Marriage: We had our fourth wedding anniversary last week. Time flies! Well, I don't know if it's flown by, honestly. There are days when I feel like we just got married yesterday, and other days when I look at photos from our wedding day and marvel at how young and unaware I was. I find special days bittersweet right now. I remember how I pictured my life at four year's married, and it certainly didn't involve being childless, a receptionist, or in school. However, our love for each other continues to grow and I am convinced that God will use these troubles to strengthen us if we let it.

Infertility: Well, it still sucks. I go through periods when this struggle is all-consuming and debilitating, and others in which it is just a constant pain in my heart, but livable. Today it's livable. We are not pursuing any treatment at this time for various reasons, but it is still a constant source of sadness.

Cat: Is great! My cat is a light when things feel dark. (God is a light too, of course, but He's not so cuddly.)

Gratuitous cat photo

Other random stuff: I've joined a new gym. It is frequented by absolutely hilarious older ladies who make me chuckle in the changerooms. I'm also really, really hoping that we'll be able to take a vacation this winter, because we desperately need some prolonged alone time.

That's all for now!

Top Ten Tuesday: 10 Wishes for the Book Genie

I'm a little late, but I can't resist this week's Top Ten Tuesday topic: Ten wishes we'd ask the book genie to grant us. I've basically gone as wildly unrealistic as possible. Here is my list:

1. More time to read. Like create extra hours in the day that are only accessible for reading, not for work or housework or whatever.

2. A VIP line for library holds, or preferential treatment for us frequent users.

3. A cloaking device so that I can laugh or cry to my heart's content while reading on the subway or read in public places without anyone talking to me.

4. Some kind of magic spell so my books to stay open to the right place, without me breaking the spine.

5. Some kind of magic so that big clunky hardcover books are not so heavy and fit easily in my purse.

6. Built in shelves with a sliding ladder, or basically my own library.

7. A beacon so that I can identify people who the same books as me while I'm out and about.

8. All the Harry Potter merch available. Like all of it.

9. To attend a recreation of the Netherfield ball. It could happen, right?

10. To be able to read my favourite books for the first time again and experience everything anew.

Infertility Chat: You're allowed to be sad.

I've been neglecting my blog lately. Yikes! This semester just started biting back and I've been stressed. However, despite having an exam to study for and a million things to do, I've got words flowing through my head and fingers right now, so I am writing.

The infertility community is... interesting. It can be life-giving to find your tribe, to realize you're not alone in your struggle. On the other hand, becoming involved in infertility groups or even just conversations about the journey can make you crazy. The questions. The comments. The need to justify your decisions. The feelings of comparison and jealousy and sometimes the one-upmanship. I feel the need to say something important and that is: You're allowed to be sad. Yes, you.

If you've "only" been trying six months, or one year, or five years. No matter how long you've been trying, you're allowed to be sad. It's hard.

If you haven't tried everything, and even if you're not sure whether treatment is for you, you're allowed to be sad. It doesn't mean you want it less or you're less deserving of a child.

If you don't want to pursue adoption, you're allowed to be sad. There is no law that infertile couples must adopt. It isn't for everyone, and just because you don't want to go that route doesn't mean you don't want a child enough.

If your spouse isn't on board for treatment, you're allowed to be sad. It's lonely to feel like you're not on the same page. Just because you won't strong-arm them doesn't mean you don't want it that badly.

If you have told everyone in your life about your infertility, you're allowed to feel alone (and sad). Having people know what's happening doesn't mean they truly know your struggle.

If it's a happy occasion for someone else, you're allowed to be sad. It doesn't mean you aren't excited for them. You can be happy and sad at the same time. It's called being real.

If you've already had children and are having trouble conceiving another, you're allowed to be sad. You don't feel like your family is complete, and that doesn't mean you don't appreciate your existing children.

The bottom line is, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to feel. This is your journey. These are your emotions. Infertility is lonely and hard and soul-destroying, and you're allowed to be sad about it. One day, when you're further along this rugged road, someone will come to you with tears in her eyes, and spill her story, and it will be your turn not to judge or to invalidate her story, but to simply say, "It's okay. It's okay to feel sad."

Overwhelm book cover reveal!

Today is a fun day! I mentioned last week that one of the books on my fall TBR list is Overwhelm by Layla Messner. Layla was my housemate in university, and I am honoured to be able to promote her book. Today I'm taking part in her book cover reveal, hosted by:

Here is the book summary:

Overwhelm by Layla Messner
Release Date: November 13, 2015

The living crystals that feed elemental power to Atlantis are exhausted. They give and give, but the Altantians just want more energy to fuel their magical city. Sixteen years ago, the crystals came up with a plan to make it all stop, a plan that revolves around three teens:

KALIOPE is a soulsinger, an empath with the power to sing the souls of the dead to their next lives. She just wants to grow up, but her mother won't let her.

DANICA is Kalipe's whipping girl. She gets punished whenever Kali disobeys.

CHIARAN is a firestarter, so reckless even his family considers him a monster.

When Chiaran arrives in Atlantis, he's the first fire person to set foot on the island in a hundred years. Kaliope naturally considers him an enemy and uses the last of her depleted power against him. But the battle reveals that the two have more in common than anyone could have guessed. 

Anyone, that is, except the crystals.

Three teenage antiheroes, a bisexual love triangle, and an island about to sink. 

Overwhelm is a darkly sensual fairy tale about growing up against all odds.

About the author:
Láyla Messner is a young-adult author and the founder of Chrysalis Sanctuary for healing childhood sexual abuse. She has an M.A. in embodied writing from Goddard College and her novels provide New Sexual Mythology for teens.

She believes that love is real. She does not believe in unsolicited advice or the word "impossible".

Author links:
Website
Goodreads
Twitter
Facebook

Top Ten Tuesday: Books To Read - Fall 2015 Edition

Today over at the Broke and the Bookish, we're posting our TBR list for the autumn. I've had trouble paring this down, though with school, work, and a practicum, I don't know how much time I'll realistically have to read so much. Here is what I have so far:

Forthcoming Books:
1. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I'm typically not one to pre-order books, but this one is coming my way as soon as it's published. It's Rowell meets Harry Potter, so what's not to like? Squeeeeee!

2. Walk on Earth a Stranger by Rae Carson: I've become slightly addicted to The Book Geek's reviews and vlogs, and this was recommended. I don't know that I've ever read a real Western, so I'm looking forward to the experience.

3. After You by Jojo Moyes: I feel like I'm likely to be disappointed by this book since I loved Me Before You so much... but I can't not read it.

4. Overwhelm by Layla Messner: Layla was my housemate in university, and I have pre-ordered her first novel (well, first to be published, anyway). Can't wait! I'm giving it as much book publicity as I possibly can.

5. Ms. Marvel: Last Days: I'm slightly obsessed with this series after reading Volume 1 for a graphic novels course this past summer. Cannot wait for the next one to come out on December 1! Although this one may not get read by the end of fall because I'll be getting it via the library.

6. The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood: I love her. End of story.

Classics:
I have a 50-book list courtesy of the Classics Club blog, although I'm not officially participating because I don't blog about my books. Nonetheless, I still am attempting to read those fifty books within five years (by June 2018), and I'm hoping to cover at least two before winter:
7. The House of the Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne: I'm supposed to finish this by October 23 as part of the Classics Club "spin". 

8. Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser: This has been on my TBR (and my Kindle) for ages, so it's high time that I actually read it.

Other:
9. Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel: I absolutely loved Wolf Hall, so hopefully this one will be a winner for me too..

10. The Inconvenient Indian by Thomas King: I heard him interviewed on CBC Radio and was fascinated by this book. Also, I am woefully uneducated about the issue facing Native Canadians, and am hoping to rectify that.

Advocating for the Infertile: Why I Don't Think We Should #StopAsking

A lot has been going on in infertility circles lately. A few months ago, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg announced that he and his wife are expecting a baby girl, but also noted that she had undergone several miscarriages. Last week, celebrities Tyra Banks, Chrissy Teigen, and Gabrielle Union opened up to the media about their struggles with infertility. Tyra and Chrissy apparently discussed infertility and IVF on the program FABLife today, and though I haven't seen the segment (since I don't have cable), I hope to find a way to watch it. I am thrilled about these developments (although obviously I'm not thrilled that *anyone* had to go through this battle.) On the other hand, I have an issue with something that Tyra said. Her FB feed posted the following:

"I can’t believe that I’m talking about how all of this personally affects me Monday on my new show FABLifeShow but I hope that by sharing my story, I give someone the strength and courage that all your stories have given me. As women we shouldn’t feel ashamed or pressured to talk about plans for a family. But we shouldn't feel pressured to either. We need a space where we can really help each other – and most importantly listen to each other – because a lot of social media is about snap judgments and being well...judgy and just assuming things. The questions hurt. Why? Because you never know what someone may be going through. So you know what? Let’s ‪#‎StopAsking‬."

I wasn't sure at first why this bothered me. I mean, I completely agree that women shouldn't feel ashamed to talk about family plans. I also agree that sometimes people act like your reproductive choices are everyone's business, and they really, really, really aren't.

You know what, though, I don't think not asking is the answer either. I'm worried that the message that gets received is that we shouldn't talk about these things or bring them up. Yes, I've had experiences where people asked about our family plans, and the end result was pressure to discuss my private matters. On the other hand, I've had people ask questions which gave me the opportunity to open up in a way I hadn't been able to before. Usually the key factor in whether it's a negative or a positive interaction is context: What is the context of our relationship and what is the context of our conversation? If you're asking because you are curious or you feel like I 'ought' to be pregnant by now, chances are that the conversation will not be positive, but if you ask as my friend, I will feel safe to share my journey, and that's a good thing.

All that to say, I don't think the message should be "Stop Asking" but rather "Think Before You Ask". Think about whether you actually know this person and whether you are ready to potentially share their burdens with them. Think about whether you are asking out of a desire to be a loving friend or whether you are just merely curious. Think about whether you're in a situation where this person might feel comfortable sharing a struggle with infertility, miscarriages, or any other reason why they may not have chosen to have children yet or whether the setting is not conducive to a heart-to-heart (e.g., the person is working - happens to me all the time! - or you're at a family event with several others looking on... you get the drift). Don't be afraid, however, of bringing up something that's hard to talk about. Chances are, someone out there is longing to open up to someone who really does care.

ETA: I'm linking this post up with Amateur Nester's infertility link-up. Go check her out, as well as some other infertility bloggers.

Top Ten Tuesday: My Life in 10 Books

This Tuesday is a freebie over at the Broke and the Bookish, so I'm using it to do a topic that I've seen a lot in the vlogging community. Since making videos of myself isn't really my thing, I'll do it on the blog instead. The topic is "My Life in 10 Books". Rather than doing your ten favourite books, it's about ten books that have changed you, that made a significant impact, that were a milestone for you, etc. Note: I've left off the Bible, which I do read every day (or almost every day), because it's in a different category for me than all these books that I read at some point in my life. Here is my list:

1. Matilda by Roald Dahl: I adore this book. I read voraciously as a child, and I was shy and awkward. It meant the world for me to have a heroine who was like me.

2. Kristy's Great Idea by Ann M. Martin: Okay, yeah, I know, but this series was my favourite forever. I devoured the BSC books and I think they had a role in making me into a real reader.

3. Letters to Judy: What Your Kids Wish They Could Tell You by Judy Blume: My true confession is that I found this book in my basement. It must have belonged to my step-mother. It contains a whole bunch of letters that teenagers had written to author Judy Blume. I used to read letters at night before going to bed. I'm not sure why this stayed with me for so long, but maybe it was reading that other kids were going through the awkwardness and stresses of adolescence, that it wasn't just me who didn't fit in, and that it was okay to feel different.

4. The Shining by Stephen King: This was the first adult book that I read, and marked a transition for me. I was twelve, so probably way too young, but I still remember the thrill of getting through it.

5. Emma by Jane Austen: Emma will always be near and dear to my heart because it was the first Jane Austen book that I read, and it set me on to a lifelong love of the classics.

6. Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell: I read this book in Grade 10, so in and around age 15. I remember it for a few reasons. Firstly, it was one of the books that I remember having a really emotional reaction to. I was literally weeping at the end, to the point where my mom asked what in the world was wrong with me! Secondly, it was one of the first books I had read where I was unsure about the main character. Sometimes I liked Scarlett, and sometimes I couldn't stand her, and it forced me to think. Thirdly (SPOILER ALERT), it's one of the first books that I remember reading with an open-ended ending. I actually couldn't sleep afterwards because I was trying to mentally conclude that Rhett and Scarlett would have a happy ending. I guess you could say the book introduced me to a lot of facets of more adult reading material.

7. The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera: I credit this with pretty much the course of my life to come. Before it, I had very little concept of the East/West divide. This book drew me into a fascination with Eastern Europe, which led me to eventually study Russian and do a degree in East European and Russian Studies. The funny thing is, I read it on the recommendation of someone who said, "This book will change your life." It really did!

8. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J.K. Rowling: The book that started it all. I truly feel like the Harry Potter series are books that will be with me forever, like the characters are old friends. They have impacted me in a million different ways, and if I ever have children, I will relish seeing them experience the stories in a new way.

9. Rilla of Ingleside by L.M. Montgomery: You may know that I took my blog title from the later books in the Anne series. They are all fantastic, but Rilla is very close to me. For those who have not read it, the book tells the story of Anne and Gilbert's youngest daughter Marilla, and what she experiences during the First World WAr. I re-read it shortly before I got married, and I feel like I experienced it in a new way. The idea of going through a really hard time, and being thankful for the hardship because it changed you is something that I cling through during my infertility struggle.

10. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller: This book is hands-down the best marriage book I have read. I am not a huge fan of marriage books that are really practical, mostly because what works for one person may not work for another. Keller's book looked at the heart of what marriage is, and I think about it all the time.