April 2017 Life Update

Hi friends! It's been a while since I just updated everyone on how our life is going, so I figured that was overdue.

Work: I don't even know if I mentioned this (oops), but I graduated last June with a Master of Information, and then started looking for work. In November, I was offered a part-time, one-year contract position working on a research grant at a hospital, and in February, I started a second part-time position, also in medical research. It's been an interesting journey and I am learning a lot! Working two part-time jobs is difficult because I will learn something and then not be back for days, so that has been a challenge, but I hope that by putting in the hours, I'll eventually get to a full-time position.

Convocation!

Writing: I took part in NaNoWriMo last November and I managed to hit my goal of 50,000 words! However, I didn't actually finish the novel and it's been on the backburner ever since because I started working that month. Maybe one day, I will pick it up again. I also have been contributing to my church women's ministry blog, which you can find here.

Travel: I have been struggling with this area. Between infertility treatments and school and Gil's schedule, we have not had a proper vacation in years. We went to Barcelona last June, but that was for a conference and it was a whirlwind trip. I'm going to push for a winter vacation next year, but we may be able to do a long weekend trip somewhere in Ontario in the next few months. Keep your fingers crossed, because we really do need that time away together! There is a chance that I may go on a summer mission trip with the church in August, but I will update more on that later when it's finalized.

Infertility: There is really no update possible. I am still grieving our journey and the child that will never be. There are days when I am okay, and other days when I see nothing but darkness around and ahead of me. I am learning to enjoy the good moments and ask God for the strength to survive the hard ones.

Neville: Is cute as always. I mean, look at this face! :) This little guy gives me so much joy. We have had so many downs since we adopted him, and his boundless energy and silly ways keep me laughing during the dark times.

Long weekend musings on summer and infertility and grief

It's that time of year now when the temperature drops in the evening, kids go back to school, and even though the leaves are still green, we know it's only a short time before the autumn will be back in force. It feels like every day, someone else wants to talk about how the summer has just flown by, and where did those months go? To be honest, I'm finding this difficult. My summer has not flown by. My summer has been painful and grief-filled. I struggle with the balance between being authentic and not wanting to alienate people with my grief.

I haven't updated in a while about our infertility journey, so here goes: In the spring, we decided to head back to the clinic to try again. The timing made sense as I was finishing school, but did not have a job lined up, so my schedule was free enough to allow for the myriad of appointments without being too draining. This new procedure required me to give myself daily injections for the first 10-12 days of my cycle, which was pretty daunting, but I quickly got used to it. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that we tried this for several cycles, and it was unsuccessful.

Gil and I now find ourselves in a quandary. There are other possible options, if we want to be more aggressive. People tell us we have to try everything, that it will certainly work one time. On the other hand, the reality is that isn't true. There are many people who try everything and still end up childless. Success rates for IVF and surrogacy and all that stuff are actually not nearly as high as people think. Moreover, I am losing so much of myself due to depression related to infertility. I miss the person I was. I don't want to live through three more years of constantly oscillating between optimism and grief. When I went in for my last blood test towards the end of July, I had this sense that I was done with the clinic, that I just really did not want to go back. But the other option, the one that says we will never hold our child in our arms, is almost unthinkable.

So now we grieve. I grieve the life I imagined, the exhausting days of looking after little ones, the hectic years of school-aged children, the lonely days of seeing teenagers fly the nest, the moments when I would see my husband or my grandmother in the fact of my own child. I don't know how to imagine a life without children. I don't compute how I will never be a grandmother.

We grieve alone. People do not understand this or even recognize it as grief. They want to tell us how we can have such a great life without children, as though it's easy to just change course. As though it's not the greatest tragedy of my life to lose the future that I imagined since I was a young child. So I have to smile a few dozen times and say, "Yes, summer is over. It's gone so fast," when really, it was slow and painful and sad. There were no bike rides with kids, no water parks or camp outs or walks to the park. My cat died. My dreams died. Yes, there were fun moments, like when I graduated and a brief trip to Spain in June, but mostly, 2016 has been a summer of grief.

Do I believe God is good throughout this journey? Yes. Somehow I do. Somehow, I trust that He can redeem these awful years, that He can put beauty into our darkest moments. I fight with Him daily. I ask Him why. I ask Him where the Church was, how it could be that His people were not there in the moments when I was begging Him to let me die instead of giving me this childless future. He does not answer, but He tells me to trust, so I have faith that one beautiful day, the pain will make sense and the tears will be wiped away. Until then, we grieve.

Miscellaneous Updates

It's been several months since I did an update post, so in case you've been on the edge of your seat from some scintillating details about my life, here you go! :)

I'm so, so close to the end of my degree. We have three - count 'em, three - weeks of class left and I'm somewhat limping to the finish line. I have four more assignments left and I think I lost my motivation some time in February. No, really, I'm working hard to be done. I had to fill in my "intent to convocate" form recently, and it's sinking in that this is really happening. It's a bit of a bittersweet feeling, to be honest. It's been a great program, but this was always Plan B. Not a day goes by when I'm not sad that I'm in grad school instead of being a mother, and when the success of school is not a reminder of the failure to become pregnant. I'm happy, but I'm sad, and I can't look back at the last 18 months of school without also being aware that they were some of the hardest times of my life. Nevertheless, I'll keep swimming.

On the job front, I don't know if I actually posted about leaving my job at the church. It was a great run, but it was time. I was finding it increasingly difficult to juggle those responsibilities with school, and increasingly difficult to be in a family-centred workplace without children. Please, please, please do not badger your church receptionist about when she will have a baby. It is never fun to be asked about excruciatingly painful personal details when you have to put on a brave face and answer the ringing phone. Anyway, I still love the church, but it has been good to have it just be my church and not my workplace. Moving forward, I've applied to a few librarian jobs and even had an interview, but did not get that job. We will see what the future holds.

I posted a few months ago about the reality of my depression. I wish I could say that things are looking rosy, but at least I do truly believe that I am slowly getting better after finding a therapist. I'm talking about it more too. It still hurts every day, and I'm not sure it will ever stop, but the dark days are fewer than they used to be. Thank you to everyone who got in touch and extended their love.

As far as infertility goes, we may be moving forward, but I'm not ready to put it all in words yet as it's still not certain. I feel like recently I've finally accepted the fact that I will not have a big family. I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, but now that nearly 3 years have gone by trying, it's time to realize that just one child will be a miracle for us. Moreover, I can't do these three years again. I lost myself too completely and for too long to think about going down this road while trying to parent a child, so now I pray that God will give us just that one child. Gil and I have not talked much about this, but I feel like we have gotten closer in the past few months as I've been more vocal about how much I am hurting, so maybe we can be a family of two and be okay with that, one day.

Star Wars kitty. The Force is strong in him.

The only other thing worth updating about is my lovely cats. They make me smile every day, even though they also drive me nuts. Neville likes to chase Sadie around the house to play with her, which she does not particularly enjoy. They are our cuddly little furbabies and I don't think I could have made it through the last few months without them

Welcome Neville!

I'm excited to announce that our family is growing... but not in the way you're thinking! On Saturday, we took in a new kitty, a 'sibling' for our dear Sadie, and his name is Neville Catticus.

With Neville at the Shelter

It happened like this: In November, Gil came home with the news that his secretary had found an abandoned kitten, and asked if we wanted her. I was shocked and didn't think he was serious. I had been sure that he didn't want another cat, and so I hadn't really thought about it. I was about to go to Florida for a few days with my dad, so I waited until I was home to say that I was interested, and by that time, the kitten had found a home.

A few weeks later, I was running an errand and found that my journey crossed paths with Toronto's new Cat Cafe. I fell in love with a cat there and got the green-light from Gil to pursue an adoption, but again it fell through because this cat could only be adopted if his sister came along for the ride, and three cats seemed like a little too much. Still, the desire to take in another kitty had settled in me, so as soon as my schoolwork was done for the term, I got myself over to the shelter and met Neville, and the rest is history.

What about his name? I actually agonized for way too long about his name, and was told multiple times by my husband that I was overthinking the issue. I wanted a literary reference, and Neville is one of my favourite supporting characters from Harry Potter. I gave him the middle name of Catticus because Gill initially suggested our cat be named Atticus based on the character from the Harper Lee novel, because, in his words, "I bet he would like to kill a mockingbird." Yes, we are those crazy people whose cat has a middle name, but no, it will not be on any paperwork!

This year has been so hard in a million different ways. We had family drama, health stresses, continued infertility, and death, and somehow I just needed 2015 to go out on a high note. I'm excited that we will get to share our lives with another feline friend.

General Life Update

This is just a post to let people know how things are going in various aspects of our lives. I'm just realizing that there are people who read my blog because they genuinely want to keep up with me, and I haven't been doing the best at that, so I'm sorry. Here is what's going on in various areas of life:

School: I'm still in grad school, halfway through the fall semester. These past few weeks have been extremely busy with work, three classes, a practicum, and Bible study, and I'm a bit overloaded. Overall, though, the program has been great and I enjoy my classes. (Well, I enjoy most of them...) It has tremendously helped my emotional health to spend a lot of time in a place where no one thinks to ask/grill/interrogate me about when we will have kids, why we don't have kids, and various and sundry biological clock issues. I've met some great friends through my program as well. I will be finished in April, so I'm starting to think about when to apply for a job in my field. Yikes!

Work: I still work at my church, though I cut my hours back because of school. I am honestly praying about how long to continue in this position. I love my church, but I want to do the best I can at my job, and it's hard to do that when I am so drained by school, etc. We shall see.

Marriage: We had our fourth wedding anniversary last week. Time flies! Well, I don't know if it's flown by, honestly. There are days when I feel like we just got married yesterday, and other days when I look at photos from our wedding day and marvel at how young and unaware I was. I find special days bittersweet right now. I remember how I pictured my life at four year's married, and it certainly didn't involve being childless, a receptionist, or in school. However, our love for each other continues to grow and I am convinced that God will use these troubles to strengthen us if we let it.

Infertility: Well, it still sucks. I go through periods when this struggle is all-consuming and debilitating, and others in which it is just a constant pain in my heart, but livable. Today it's livable. We are not pursuing any treatment at this time for various reasons, but it is still a constant source of sadness.

Cat: Is great! My cat is a light when things feel dark. (God is a light too, of course, but He's not so cuddly.)

Gratuitous cat photo

Other random stuff: I've joined a new gym. It is frequented by absolutely hilarious older ladies who make me chuckle in the changerooms. I'm also really, really hoping that we'll be able to take a vacation this winter, because we desperately need some prolonged alone time.

That's all for now!

Updates on My Summer Reading List

When I posted my 2015 Summer TBR list, one of the commenters said she was interested to see how I'd enjoyed those reads. I rarely do reviews, but I'll post some thoughts on the books that I've already read. I have finished 6 out of the 10 on the list, mostly because I've gotten derailed with some long-time holds coming in at the library, and a few recommendations that I put ahead of my list. So far, I am somewhat on track to finish my summer list by the "official" first day of autumn (September 22), as long as my hold on American Gods comes in on time! Here are my thoughts on the books I've read thus far:

Russian Winter by Daphne Kalotay: I don't even remember how I found out about this book, but I loved it. Russian Winter tells the story of former Soviet prima ballerina Nina Revskaya, now living in Boston and auctioning off her jewellery. The book goes back and forth between the present, and Nina's life up to the point when she defected from the Soviet Union, including the complicated relationship with her best friend. I love ballet and I love Russian history, so this book was a win because it was well-researched in both subjects. I liked that the situations were not black-and-white, and that the book kept you guessing about what the full back story was. Definitely a win, and I'd read more of Kalotay's books.

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley: I gave this book 3.5/5. It was a compelling, feminist-infused narrative of the Arthurian sagas. It held my attention for all of its 800+ pages, and I read through it in less time than anticipated. However, I had a few issues with it. The first is the length; I really thought the book could have been shorter without sacrificing anything, and perhaps we could have seen less of certain characters. My second issue was the religious aspect. The entire book seemed to be beating readers over the head with paganism = good; Christianity = bad. This was somewhat lightened up towards the end, but it was too late, in my opinion. Now, I am an evangelical Christian, but I can handle criticism of my religion; however, there was no subtlety in Zimmer Bradley's agenda here, and I got really tired of Christians that were all hypocrites and ramblings about how Christianity was so bad. It felt overly forced, and that was too bad. I enjoyed the novel, and I'm glad I read it, but I won't be reading any of the author's other books.

The Case of Comrade Tulayev by Victor Serge: This book is supposed to be one of the definitive books on the Stalinist purges of the 1930s. It was a good read, though it's hard to say I 'enjoyed' it because of the subject matter. I'd only recommend the book for people who have a good knowledge of Russian history and culture, because the plot jumps from person to person and it would be difficult to follow if you don't know the context. I left it unrated in Goodreads because I thought it was theoretically very good, even if I had trouble getting into it.

Petersburg by Andrei Bely: Another book that I left without a rating in Goodreads because I really didn't know how to rate it. The book takes place in 1905 and is broadly about a young radical and his relationship with his father, a government official. There is a lot of symbolic and poetic language, a lot of dream-sequence like sections, and I sometimes had trouble following the plot, which I believe was intended. I'm fairly certain it is a brilliant book, but probably warrants a couple of readings before I think I have a handle on it! I would only recommend this book for people who are really into various kinds of literature and not reading for plot alone, but I'm glad I read it.

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas: I'd been meaning to read this book for a while, and I'm glad I finally did. This is a Christian marriage book encouraging readers to see marriage not as a vehicle to make one happy, but as a means to change us and make us grow in character. As we serve each other, we grow as people, becoming more holy. I liked it, though not as much as my personal favourite Christian marriage book, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. I will definitely be re-reading Sacred Marriage at some point and possibly journaling through it.

Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks: I gave this book a 3/5. It was a compelling enough read, but I didn't like it all that much for a number of reasons. Firstly, it felt like three stories stuck together: Stephen Wraysford's experience before the First World War; Stephen's experiences in the war; and the life of his granddaughter Elizabeth in the 1970s. The 1970s plotline felt out of place. Although it involved Elizabeth tracking down information about her grandfather, there was so much about her personal life and frankly, the ending was a bit bizarre. Stephen's wartime experiences were fascinating, though a bit long and extremely detailed. The section before the war was too cliché for me: Young English student falls into an adulterous affair with a repressed woman who is starving for love. They are head over heels in love after barely speaking to each other. Meh. We've all read that one before. It seemed all sex and no so much love, and while I'm not a total prude, the sex part included a lot of purple prose. All in all, I enjoyed the book, but it's not one I'd ever read again or really recommend, despite the fact that it's apparently included on a lot of must-read lists.

Have you read any of the above books? What did you think? Do you totally disagree with me? (It's okay if you do! :D )

Big News and End-of-Summer Update

I've been neglecting my blog lately.  I'm sorry.  I can't even say that it's been too busy, because the truth is that we had a slow summer.  Honestly, there were a few Top Ten Tuesday topics that left me flat, and otherwise I've been feeling pretty blah about life in general... BUT I'm back now and want to give a few life updates.

Firstly, some BIG NEWS:  No, I'm not pregnant, but instead I'm going back to school!  The idea of being a student again has been in the back of my mind for over a year, but I finally bit the proverbial bullet and applied.  My classes start this week and I will be studying Information Science to one day be a librarian!  Everyone around here must know how much I like reading, so this seems like a perfect fit for me.  I'm a bit intimidated, since it's been close to a decade since I was in school, but from the orientation last week, I think I'm going to like it.

Fertility update (seeing as I've posted on this earlier in the year):  Nothing to say here.  As you may have gathered from some of my posts in the spring, this year has been very difficult for me, and I have no cheery news to share now.  To be brutally honest, I have never before felt so isolated and hopeless as I did these past few months, which is probably why I've had no real desire to plaster my thoughts up on the Internet.

Family update:  I have a new niece!  Eve Audrey was born last week, a little sister for Ezra.  Our family is growing a lot, seeing as my step-brother and his wife had baby Luke last March.

Husband update:  Gil is fine.  We had a quiet summer and mostly stuck close to home. Even though this year has been trying, I'm still loving life with my husband, and I couldn't have made it through the last few months without Gil (and also the World cup, but mostly Gil, haha).

Mandarin update:  Stunted.  Like I said, this summer has been sad and emotionally draining, and eventually I decided I just needed to cut things out of my life that were stressing me out.  I hope one day to resume my classes, but for now I will be busy enough with school.

Cat update:  Still cute!  Thank goodness for adorable fur babies when the going gets tough.

See, she's pretty cute!

Life Update

It occurred to me that lately, I've posted a lot of book lists, along with some broody thoughts on fertility, but not too much about what's actually happening in our life, so here's a bit of an update.

In February, I posted that we were desperately in need of a vacation and were headed to Dominican Republic.  Well, we were gone for a week last month, and it was pretty darn amazing.  We stayed at an adults-only resort and spent seven blissful days taking dips in the sea, eating delicious food, and heading into the pool after the midday rush.  I read several books and Gil got a lot of rest.  Despite my husband getting an ear infection and hurting his ankle two days before we left, it was a good time and I wish we could go back again soon.

In December, I posted about PCOS.  I don't want to go into a lot of detail about my health issues on this blog as it's very personal, but as you can gather from my last post, it hasn't been the easiest journey thus far.  I've been undergoing a slew of really fun (NOT) tests, and will hopefully find out if there's anything else wrong with me and then we'll figure out where we go from here.

In terms of family, I have an adorable new nephew, Luke, who was born on March 5, while we were on vacation.  I can't post a photo as his parents are adamantly against any photos on social media.  I also have another niece or nephew coming in September as my step-sister is pregnant too, so my parents will double the number of grandchildren in 2014.  My mom also won an award for her fabulous contributions to serving in her community, so a couple of weeks ago, we had a family celebration. 

Work-wise, it's kind of same-old, same-old.  I am pondering a big change, but as it's not definite, I don't want to say anything concrete yet.  I honestly thought we would have kids by now and I would be a SAHM, but since that's not happening, it's forced me to pray and consider what else God might have for me, since I can't answer phones forever.

For the most part, life is good.  The piles of snow are finally gone from our driveway, and I've seen enough robins in the last week to know that spring is really and truly here.  Gil and I have had our struggles, but we are still finding ways to enjoy each other and laugh, and to remember that God is good.

Happy Spring!!

Random Updates and Fun Stuff

As I mentioned before, I've been a lazy blogger lately.  It just felt like I'd run out of things to say.  I'm trying to remember that I don't have to write something deep and meaningful every time, so this post will just be a bunch of random thoughts and updates from our life.

Is anyone else tired of winter already?  I'm usually a winter person, but this year's ice storm, frigid temperatures (-30 wind chill??), and frequent snowfall has left me longing for spring.  We are off to a conference next week in Collingwood, and I'm looking forward to snowshoeing, skating, and getting my winter groove back.

I've been making a push to get more organized this year, especially in how I spend my time.  I've realized how many hours drift away while I'm online or reading, and then I get to the end of the week wondering why I never studied Chinese or cleaned the kitchen.  I've written down all the things I want to accomplish in the week (e.g., 30 minutes of Chinese, go to the gym three times) and have tried to allot it into a time slot.  Of course, it's anyone's guess how this works out in the weeks to come.

Speaking of Chinese, I've gotten so lazy about studying.  After failing my exam last year, I took on more hours at work and keeping up with study has slid onto the back burner.  I've gotten to a level where I'm past just reading textbooks, but not good enough to practice on newspapers, for example.  This month, I've been trying to read the first Harry Potter novel, borrowed from a friend, in simplified Chinese.  It's slow going so far (like a page a day), but at least I'm reading something familiar and dear to me!

Do you like reading and cats?  Please enjoy this post from Buzzfeed.  I seriously smile at it several times a day.

I love cheesy puns.  A few weeks ago, my siblings and I were emailing back and forth about who was bringing what food to a family brunch.  Since we needed someone to get the lox, this spun into a series of silly song references such as:
--What does the lox say?
--Who let the lox out?
--Loxxxxxxxannne.
Conclusion:  We are all big dorks.

Rediscovering My Inner Music Geek

I have a confession:  I love musical theatre.  When I was a kid, my dad would take me to a show at least once a year.  We saw Cats, The Secret Garden, Showboat, and several other shows.  I was full-on obsessed with Phantom of the Opera and Les Mis for several years.  I played the saxophone in band and went to music camp.  In fact, I even joined the marching band in university and played in parades all through the Christmas season.  Yes, I was that girl.

As an adult, though, music ceased to be a hobby any more.  Without a band to play with, I rarely picked up my saxophone, and going to the theatre was too expensive to do regularly.  I didn't even realize how much I missed it except in rare moments when I would hear a show tune and immediately break into chorus.

Recently, however, it seems I've re-discovered my inner music geek.  In August, Gil surprised me with tickets to The Wizard of Oz as an early birthday present.  There was even a real live dog playing Toto!  Then I went to New York City to meet up with friends and we ended up getting half-price tickets to Rock of Ages.  For my birthday last month, my sister-in-law promised to take me to see Les Mis (yes, it's BACK!) and my mom bought opera tickets for the two of us.

As my musical theatre interests have re-emerged, so has my appreciation for classical music.  I've found myself listening to the classical station while driving, which seems to calm my frustration with slower or less cautious drivers.  :-)  On the flip side, I'm starting to feel much older than 33 as this radio station features product spots for Viagra, constipation relief, and nursing homes.

All this to say, I'm enjoying how the move back home has awakened interests that I'd forgotten.  So readers, are you theatre geeks too?  What's your favourite musical?

Travel Tales

A few weeks ago, I had my first trip to the beautiful province of Newfoundland and Labrador.  What a wonderful place!  We were gone for five days and were able to do some sightseeing and attend a wedding, so I thought I'd share a bit of our trip.

On our first full day, we drove up the western coast and I discovered my wonderful husband had arranged for us to take a boat trip in Gros Morne.   We saw some unbelievable sights and I even saw a moose at close range.  Afterwards we headed further north to our home-away-from-home on the northern tip of the island.

The following day, I visited the home of Sir Wilfrid Grenfell, a medical missionary.  As a young man, Dr Grenfell was inspired by hearing the American evangelist D.L. Moody, and decided to serve overseas.  He traveled to Labrador and spent some time providing medical share to people in isolated fishing communities, several of whom had never had a visit from a doctor before.  Over the course of his life, he founded five hospitals in Labrador and northern Newfoundland, as well as several nursing stations and orphanages.  If you have an e-reader, you can pick up his autobiography here.

Later that day, we visited L'Anse aux Meadows, the site of a former Viking colony.  They have a mock-up of a Viking village set up, and then you can see where the actual buildings were.  So interesting!

Gil did some work during the mornings while we were away, so I took the opportunity of doing touristy things on my own.  One morning I went on a whale watching trip where I learned a lesson about the value of wearing long pants at sea.  Thankfully the cold was worth it and I saw loads of porpoises as well as one humpback whale.

On our last day, Gil surprised me by taking me to a restaurant that had amazing and fresh seafood, so I gorged myself on enjoyed local mussels and scallops.  Before we left, another couple approached to tell us there was an iceberg nearby; we had been told the icebergs were all gone as it was too late in the season.  We drove around and finally managed to catch a glimpse of it.

If you've seen the television commercials, Newfoundland looks pretty relaxed and slow-paced.  Of course, people there watch cable TV and check their smart phones obsessively just like they do in my 'hood, but I was surprised at the little things that seemed like remnants of a simpler time.  For example, on our first day, we took a short taxi ride and the driver took note of all his fares in a spiral notebook.  There was no radio dispatcher; it was just one guy in his taxi.  At the airport in Deer Lake, the parking lot had individual meters for each spot and they seemed to be cash only.  It seemed bizarre at first, but also refreshing to be someplace where technology hadn't permeated everything.  And I never saw a single Starbucks or McDonald's or Starbucks the whole time I was there, but don't worry; you can get yourself a good moose burger instead!

Life Lately

Gosh, I've been a pretty lazy blogger for the past few weeks.  Not sure why, other than a bit of travel, and then this heat wave sapping all of my energy.  So what's new and exciting 'round here?

1)  A few weeks ago, I took a weekend trip to visit my best friend in Ottawa.  We were joined by another old friend, and spent a few days just being girly:  Mani/pedi, shopping, eating, cooking.  It was great fun and so relaxing.  My best friend is due with her first baby in November, so we know that our relationship will change somewhat, and it was nice to have some time together enjoying the friendship as it is.  I'm having a hard time with being hours away and not being able to see the baby right away, especially since we used to live on the same street.  It's just one of the many changes since marriage that take some getting used to, but it still makes me tear up a little.

2)  Last week we had a crazy storm that knocked out our power for hours.  There was even flooding downtown.  Yikes!  Thankfully our family were all safe and sound.

3)  Gil and I had our very first date four years ago today.  We went for Thai food.  Who would have thought that would go down in (personal) history.  Married friends, do you still celebrate dating anniversaries?  I kind of like to acknowledge it, even though we won't do gifts or anything. 

4)  Royal Baby watch is ongoing!  I am not one of those crazy royal fans, but I do kind of follow Will and Kate, and I actually saw them in Charlottetown, PEI, two years ago.  (Okay, I could barely see anything, but I definitely heard Prince William's voice life).  My grandma was always a big fan of the Queen, so I love imagining how excited she would be to hear about the Royal Baby.

5)  We're counting down to our Newfoundland vacation:  6 more sleeps!

Summer Updates

Summer.  It's almost here.  Tomorrow marks the official start of summer and you know what that means:  long weekends, barbecues, cottages, travel, etc.  This year, I've felt a bit ambivalent about summer starting.  In my old life, the hot season always meant a slowing down; ministries at church took a pause and work was less busy.  Still, summer for me is always defined by fun weekends, like taking picnics and day trips, going to amusement parks, etc.. My work will probably be a bit quieter over July and August, but since so much of my life pace revolves around my husband's crazy hospital schedule, I don't anticipate summer having much affect on our life.   Maybe I need to corner my husband and make him promise me a couple of Saturday outings?  :-)

Anyway, despite my ambivalence, I am looking forward to some summer traveling.  As mentioned earlier this week, we are off to western Newfoundland in just over a month.  Gil has been telling me stories about his time in "The Rock" ever since we met, so I'm super-excited to experience it for myself.  I'm looking forward to seeing icebergs and whales, Viking settlements and lots and lots of water.  I dare you to watch some of the commercials on Newfoundland and Labrador and see if you don't want to go there too!

This is also the year in nearly a decade when summer doesn't equal wedding season.  We have only one wedding this year, and it'll be in Newfoundland.  I guess this means the bulk of my friends have moved on to the next stage of life, since I know at least 11 people expecting babies by the end of the year!

What are your summer plans?

Life Lately

This photo pretty much summarizes my life this weekend:

I am at T-2 weeks before my next major Mandarin exam (HSK Level V) so my days are a blur of working and reviewing vocabulary.  My husband says I can't complain as I chose to sign up for this... and truly I am not complaining.  I am do enjoy studying, but I am getting a bit tired of it.  Yesterday the weather was so lovely that I took some time to sit on my porch reading a book on the porch, which was lovely.

The Chinese is helping to distract me as I've been a bit sad lately.  After a year and a half in Toronto, I'm pretty much feeling at home in this life, but still have moments when I miss all my friends in Ottawa.  I found out a few weeks ago that my best friend is pregnant.  She and I lived down the street from one another for a few years; it's just hitting home that I am missing being a part of her life during this important period, and I won't be around to run to the store for her or stop in to watch the baby for a 10 minutes while she takes a shower, etc.  I won't be a part of the baby's life the way I would love to be.  I'm excited for her, but just feeling the loss of my former life a little more deeply this week.

Otherwise, Gil is back from Newfoundland and life is back to its normal pattern, except that I'm working a lot more.  We are still short-staffed since I took my boss's position which leaves my old one empty.  I will get to take part in interviewing potential staff, which will be a totally new experience for me.

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!


P.S. For the curious, the flashcards app that I use is called gFlashcards, and the card shown is 预订 (yù dìng), which means "to place an order, book ahead, reserve".

Alone This Week and New Beginnings

Sorry if this title is confusing.  I'm trying to convey two things at once.

My husband is out of town until Thursday doing medical work in rural Newfoundland.  For any new readers, this is something does 3-4 times a year.  Several years back, he had a job working at a rural hospital and fell in love with the people.  There is a serious doctor shortage in many rural communities, so people in his town have to travel hours and hours to see a specialist.  Gilbert travels back periodically to save them the trouble, and to see his buddies.  I'm proud of him for continuing this good work, but a little lonely as well!  Happily, I'll be able to accompany him on his next trip, but for this time, I'm spending his absence cramming like mad for my Chinese exam coming up in three weeks.

In other news, I was offered a new job today!  I'll be taking on the supervisory role at my current job.  So basically, before I was a part-time receptionist, now I'm the boss of all the part-time receptionists.  So far, that makes me the boss of one other person, but we'll be hiring someone new soon too.  I was really unsure of whether to apply, but I spent a lot of time seeking God's will and was encouraged by many co-workers that they'd love to see me in this role.  It's a bit daunting - I have never sought a role in any kind of management - but I'm excited to challenge myself.  Here's to new adventures!

In honour of new beginnings, here's some new visitors to our home.  I love spring!

This guy was right behind our kitchen window.

These birds were in the playground next door.

Christmas 2013 (In Pictures)

Happy Boxing Day!  It's hard to believe another Christmas is over.  It's been a fairly quiet affair for us.  On Saturday, we had an early Christmas, exchanging gifts with my brother, sister-in-law, mom, and mom's boyfriend.  Gil and I exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve, just in case he was called in to the hospital super-early.  I spent Christmas day with my mom.  We had a mid-day brunch and cooked while listening to Handel's Messiah on the radio - pure joy!  Some relatives came by in the later and we had a nice turkey dinner, followed by Christmas pudding (yuck) and cupcakes (yum!) for dessert.

Tasty Christmas!

We had planned to drive down to Ohio today to see some friends, but Gil applied to renew his passport a few weeks ago and the replacement has not arrived yet, so we can't go to the US.  I don't mind.  We are aiming for a quiet day of watching World Juniors hockey and eating pizza.  Tomorrow it's work as usual for my husband (wait, that's what he's been doing all week....), but I am off so will be going to see Les Misérables at the IMAX with some friends and I cannot wait.

Other than that Santa a.k.a. my husband gave me a new fancy camera for Christmas to replace the one that took a dive into the Caribbean Sea, so I've been playing around with it, taking photos like these of my living room:

Woo, trippy...

Or these ones of my cat:

Because nothing says Christmas like gratuitous cat-posting.  Enjoy your day!

I ♥ Youth Ministry

I am super-super excited to announce that after nearly a year of floundering at church, I have finally stepped back into regular Christian service:  I just signed on to work with our youth group for the 2012-13 school year.... and I am sooooo excited about it!

For those of you who know you, this probably isn't much of a surprise.  I was involved with youth for quite a while back in Ottawa, but somehow, whenever the thought of doing the same in Toronto came up, I hesitated.  After we got married, there were so many transitions going on, that I needed to stop and really process it all.  Not only that, but I needed to almost distance myself from my old youth group that I loved so very much, to ensure that I wouldn't be that annoying girl who constantly says, "Well, in my OLD group, we did X like THIS..." [The previous comment would possibly be  accompanied by an obviously dissatisifed expression.]

This summer, however, I started working at the church and getting to know the various ministries, and I felt the pull back towards youth ministry.  Last week I finally got to talk to our new youth pastor, and he invited me to check out the group.  When I walked into the room, even though I didn't know the kids or most of the volunteers, I felt like I was coming home, back to a ministry I love, back to an age group I love.  There are lots of people who enjoy teaching Sunday school and working with little kids, but as for me, put me in a room full of awkward or surly teens, and my heart fills up. I ♥

teenagers!

I'm a Working Woman (Again)!

Hi friends!  It's been a busy week in which I really meant to do some posting on here... but I got distracted from it because I GOT A JOB!!!

I will be working part-time at the front desk at my church.  This is primarily an administrative position, as I'll be answering phones, dealing with emails, etc.  It is also a ministry, as people some times call in with prayer requests, so I will need to be sensitive and sometimes to pray over the phone with people.

I'm really excited about this opportunity.  All this time while I was not working, I had it in the back of my mind that at the right time, things would start to happen, and in the meantime I would enjoy the time off.  Once we returned from vacation, I started to get restless and bored some days, so I knew it might be time to get back into the workforce.  Two weeks ago, I was talking to someone after prayer group who asked whether I was still looking for a job.  A church employee overheard us and suggested that I apply for this position.  It has been a bit of a whirlwind since then:  I interviewed on Monday, provided references on Wednesday, was offered the position on Thursday, and started on Friday.

This will be my first time working in a Christian environment.  I know this can have its drawbacks, such as keeping people in a "bubble", but there are so many benefits too.  I mean, it's pretty cool when your boss offers to pray with you before starting a new job!   I had lunch with another staff member and discussed the church's women's ministry.  I think this is going to be a great fit and help me get involved in this city.

What Are We Up to These Days?

Hey friends!  Thanks for checking in.  I thought I'd do a bit of a mishmash post about how things are going and what we have been up to since getting back from vacation. 

Gil has been working a lot.  No surprises there.  He actually went back to work the day after we flew home.  The man is a machine.  We have had a few days on weekends to hang out and stay connected... and by that I mean watch Euro Cup games.  ;-)

Speaking of the Euro, my beloved German team lost to Italy in the semi-finals.  It was a sad afternoon for me, especially considering it may be the last time I will get to watch my favourite footballer, Miroslav Klose, play for the German side.  He is nearing retirement age.  Ah well.  On a more serious note, I was a bit surprised to note how seriously I was taking the tournament, and was reminded to watch where I am focusing too much of my heart and energy.

I'm kind of on a mini-health kick these days.  (Um, except for the fact that I just ate a slice of pie....)  I had a few days of feeling lethargic and reacting emotionally to any setback, no matter how minor.  I had a bit of an "aha" moment when I realized that since we got back from vacation, I really have not been taking great care of myself, so now I am making more effort to exercise, and cutting back on sweets, more specifically snacking on sweet things (e.g., chocolate chips) at random intervals throughout the day.  Hopefully this will allow me to enjoy chocolate even more when I do have it (if that is even possible).  Now I keep track of what chocolate I eat instead of losing track of it.  If you see or talk to me, please feel free to ask about this effort, as I could probably use some accountability.  :-)

I've also been reading a lot lately.  Before we left for Poland, I dug out some relevant history books that I had purchased and never read.  Lately, I have read three books that had been gathering dust on my bookshelves, and have started on a fourth.  Why, oh why, oh why, am I such a book hoarder??

Yesterday was Canada Day.  Hope all you Canadians were able to enjoy it!  Other than wearing a Canada t-shirt, I did nothing celebratory or Canadian.  We went to church, ate Chinese food, then watched Italy vs. Spain in the Euro 2012 final, and then I started a book on German-Polish history.  In a way, that's kind of reflective of what I love about Canada:  The mix of peoples from all over, and diversity of culture.  We did end up watching the Parliament Hill Canada Day festivities on TV, but I got all teary because seeing the Hill made me miss Ottawa.  Then we switched to Saving Hope for a few minutes, until Gil started yelling, "That's the wrong place to make the incision!" at the television.  I went to sleep reflecting on Canada Day three years ago, when I went to the Hill to watch Sarah McLachlan perform and on the way casually mentioned to my friend that I had met this guy Gil, and wasn't sure whether he was eventually going to ask me out or not.  Here we are now, newlyweds, yelling and crying at the television in our marital nest. 

That's life chez nous!

We've Moved!

I'm happy to announce that we are *finally* in our new home!  I'll post pictures at some point when things are more organized, but so far I am enjoying the chance to get things set up at my own pace.  The move went great:  No injuries and no arguments, both by the grace of God.

After living in such a small space, being in a house is a bit of an adjustment.  Gil and I find ourselves frequently calling out, "Where are you?" as we are not used to losing sight of one another.  It is also lovely to hear birds outside and see the green of trees through the windows.  In short, life is great and we are very happy.

Since I'm a little nuts, I ran my 10K race with my mom on Sunday morning.  Yes, that would be less than 24 hours since we had begun the move.  It went well and I was happy with my time, and more than that, I got to share the experience with my wonderful mom on Mother's Day!  Now I'm giving my body a few days vacation. 

Thanks to all who prayed for us during this process, and for everyone who offered us assistance.  We appreciate it and we feel very blessed!