I miss Ottawa. Not every moment, or even every day, but I do miss it a lot. There are many things that I love about being back in my hometown, like seeing my husband every day (!!), being close to family, an insane amount of restaurant options, the subway (seriously, I love the subway), etc. BUT... it's been a change, and not always an easy one.
We were back in Ottawa this past weekend to attend a wedding, and it just made me so happy to be in a room with so many friends at once. I have friends in Toronto, but only a couple, and we only really hang out one on one. Then we got to go to my church on Sunday morning and it felt like... home. People said hi to us (and not just “greeters”). People wanted to talk to us after the service. We felt loved and supported. It was sad to leave Ottawa.
This disparity was even more in evidence yesterday. For some reason, I just felt anxious. I was stressed over searching for work and worried about paperwork that had to get done to rent out my Ottawa condo. I just felt on edge, and worse than that, I felt alone. It seems like the friendships that I have here are just not very deep, even though they are people that I've known for many years. These are girls that are great to have lunch or go to the movies with, but not people who ask how I'm really doing. That's probably my fault too. I have not been around enough to allow those relationships to develop. Anyway, it doesn't bother me when things are good, but yesterday I just missed the deep friendships that I have in Ottawa.
All is not lost, however. I have to remember that getting connected takes time, and that even though I don't think our current church does enough to help people integrate, I know that God does MORE than enough. Today I went to ladies prayer group and was invited to a Bible study next week. Then at the end of the meeting, another lady asked me out to coffee. Some of these women have been coming to prayer group together for what seems like decades. It was so nice to feel like part of the group, and to think that one day, this church and this city will really feel like home too.