Do I Trust God?

2014 been a difficult year so far.  It's been good in some ways, but also difficult.  I feel like I've been in a holding pattern for a while now, wanting to move on to something new, but held back by a myriad of different factors.  If I'm honest, it has been a year in which my trust in God has been challenged and, I hope that when we come out of this phase, I will find it has been strengthened.  I have been asking myself recently if I really trust God.  I'm a Christian; I work in a church and lead at a Bible study, so it's really easy to say that I do, right?  When the going gets tough, however, so often I find myself wondering why it's so hard, and whether God is really working in this situation at all.

The big question is:  How do I know that I trust God?  Is it a gut feeling?  That doesn't seem right, because trust isn't all about feelings.  I don't get into an airplane with an overwhelming "feeling" of trusting the laws of aerodynamic.  The fact that I got into the airplane at all is evidence that I trust the plane will take off, travel, and land without risk to my life.  I don't have a gut feeling that I trust my husband, but show that I trust him by sharing my life with him without fearing that he will take advantage of me or abuse me or be unfaithful.

So how do I know that I trust God?  It's not about putting myself into dangerous situations and knowing He will protect me (although it's possible that He will require me to go into dangerous situations).  He's not the Edward Cullen to my Bella Swan, after all. ;)  Part of it is obviously obedience:  I trust God by obeying His commands, without worrying that I'm being deprived in some way.  Maybe in part, it's also a bit like trusting Gil.  I share my life with God, through prayer and Bible reading (slacking a bit on that lately...) and being mindful of Him at all times, and trusting that He will use that for my good. 

Today I planted our vegetable garden.  After our my attempts last year did not yield much, I decided to skip seeds and plant seedlings this year, seeing as our growing season is so short.  I guess that planting seed(lings) is a bit like trusting God.  You do what you can, knowing that the real "work" of growing is out of your hands, dependent on weather and sunshine and the neighbour's dog not getting into our yard.  Will I trust that God is working under the surface of my life, even if I don't know whether I will get a handful of cherry tomatoes or a bountiful harvest, but that I can trust that the growth is good?

I've been reading the book of Ruth over the past few days, and am reminded once again how the most difficult ordeals can ultimately end well.  It doesn't negate the difficult part or mean we have to pretend it was all easy, but it does mean that I can be confident that God is doing *something* through this lean year, even if that something leads to a path I hadn't anticipated.