One year ago tonight, I was at my friend's apartment watching the Academy Awards and putting last-minute touches on an assignment due the next day, when I got a text saying that my friend Blaire and her unborn son had passed away. We were counting down the short weeks until her baby would make his appearance, and instead we never got to see him or celebrate.
The title of this blog post refers to a song from the musical Rent, which asks the question: "How do you measure a year in the life?" When we look back on a year, we remember the moments, the celebrations, the pains. When I look on a year without Blaire, I instead remember the moments we didn't get to share, the occasions that were once celebratory and now are times of mourning, the birthdays unmarked, and the times when I wanted to share a thought or a joke with her, and instead remembered that I can't. Now I will never know what Blaire thought about Rent, or Donald Trump's candidacy (though I have a pretty good idea.....), what she name she would have suggested for my new cat, or a myraid of other things that have happened since February 22, 2015. I am sad today, and every day, for the conversations we never had.
How do I measure a year without you, Blaire? How do I face another year when we won't get to laugh together or discuss Oscar fashions or just do life? I don't know. I guess we do it one minute at a time.