This is a public service announcement. Up until recently, I had figured that women were immune from a certain type of faux-pas. I mean, some men are clueless and get a pass, but surely a woman knows not to ask another woman if she's pregnant, right?
Wrong! I witnessed this etiquette mishap last week while I was at work. A young lady who is recently married was in the lobby, when another woman recognized her. I watched it all go wrong quickly: "Oh so-and-so, it's been so long! Congrats on your wedding last summer! Ooh, and it looks like you're expecting too, how nice!" I wanted to cut in, pull the fire alarm, knock over a fast or something just to stop this from happening, but unfortunately, said woman had to explain that actually, she's just gained a little weight since the wedding. I felt awful just watching this transpire.
Early this week, the same thing happened to me. A woman asked whether I had big news. I said no, and she, with a knowing glance, responded: "Well, it looks like you may have put on a little weight..." And then I started crying. Yes, it was possibly an over-reaction, but I'm sensitive about this kind of thing and being told I'm getting fat is really not the way I like to start my work day.
We shouldn't need reasons for this, but just in case you're wondering why this isn't okay, here are a couple:
1) Women don't like being told they look fatter than before. Even if they are fatter. Even if they're pregnant. Just don't do it.
2) A woman is generally thrilled when it's time to announce a pregnancy. If she felt like it was the right time, she'd tell you. Since she hasn't, assume that if she is actually pregnant, she'll tell you when she feels like it, not before. (See also Jayme's excellent post here.)
3) Fertility issues are very sensitive to many people. If a woman is having trouble conceiving, asking her if she is pregnant will both make her feel fat AND remind her that she's having trouble.
Bottom line: If you see a woman, think she's expecting, and have a desire to point it out, JUST SAY NO. :-)
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Friday, 25 October 2013
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
Top Ten Tuesdays: Things that Tempt Me to Stop Reading
Well, it's another Tuesday, so it's time for another Top Ten list. Today's topic, hosted by The Broke and the Bookish, is book turn-offs. We talked previously about things which make us not want to pick up a book, but this week we're discussing things that annoy us or make us consider shutting the book rather than continuing on. Here are some of mine:
1. Cheating: I can't root for a character who is unfaithful to their partner. This also applies to most love triangles (since it's hard to be in love with two people without cheating on one or both of them).
2. Lack of consequences: Of course, not every teenage girl who has sex gets AIDS, and not everyone who tries drugs will die a horrible death. Still, certain lifestyles have consequences, and it irks me to no end when characters (especially teenagers) take dangerous risks but nothing negative results from them. (This rant brought to you by the time I flipped through some Gossip Girl novels at my old job.)
3. Improbable knowledge: This especially bugs me with teenage characters. Even a precocious character should be given a level of knowledge that is realistic. There was a scene in a Robert Sawyer novel in which two 15-year-olds discussed why Tim Hortons restaurants don't have an apostrophe in the name. Seriously, what kind of teens know/care about this?
4. Unnecessary/graphic sex scenes: There are ways to portray intimacy that don't read like a Harlequin romance novel. I try to avoid books that are full of sex scenes, so it annoys me when a graphic one shows up out of nowhere.
5. Bad grammar or bad writing: This is what editors are for. Use them.
6. Weird/improbable names: Okay, so I'm a name nerd, but it bugs me when the characters are all 25 and older, but have names that are popular right now. One outlier is fine, but if a group of characters my age are named Isabella, Mason, Jackson, and Addison, I'll be tempted to throw the book across the room. A good author will do research on names from the period to make the book seem authentic. I also have only so much patience with weird names in fantasy.
7. Last names/first names: This is kind of weird and it's mostly found in thrillers, but it really bugs me when all the male characters are referred to by surnames, while women are referred to by their first names. This irked me so much reading The DaVinci Code.
8. Overly detailed or technical (to a
point): This phenomenon was epitomized by Stieg Larsson. Thrilling series of books, but no one cares about the details of Lisbeth's computer. It also applies to clothing/brand names. I understand dropping brand names to show the character is wealthy, but I don't need to know every detail of their ensemble.
9. Unhealthy relationships: I can handle this if the author is obviously trying to show that the relationship is unhealthy. I can't do unhealthy relationships that are romanticized. (I'm looking at you, Twilight.)
10. Unlikeable characters: I have to like someone in the book to get into it. This is why I almost didn't finish Vanity Fair. I couldn't really stand anyone, with the slight exception of Dobbin.
Sunday, 2 June 2013
On Being Fruitful (Or Not)
Last week was rough. We have five (yes, five) babies expected among our staff. When the fifth one pregnancy was announced this week, I was both very excited for the expectant parents, and aware that I needed to steel myself for the coming onslaught. And come, it did. Not an hour after the announcement, and all of a sudden I was bombarded with the questions about when it would be my turn to have a baby. Someone even touched my stomach. I wish I were exaggerating, but this really happened.
All of this made me want to write a post on how frustrating it is to field so many fertility-related questions, but then I remembered that I already did that before. In the midst of this crazy week, I happened to read a post by a woman named Heather that made me tear up. Please take the time to read it and be reminded why this topic is so difficult for many women (and men), and why questions on family planning can strike a nerve. I've said it before, but this doesn't mean we can't be open with our friends and ask hard questions; it does mean, however, that you should think twice before asking a personal question to someone you've only met on Sundays in the church lobby. On top of fertility struggles, there could be marital issues, health concerns, financial situations, or other issues that are keeping couples from starting a family, so please bear this in mind before you ask what seems to be an innocent question. Just to clarify, this is NOT the case with us at present, but I am well aware that could be in the future, so I'm sensitive to the issue.
Anyway, this past week's frustrations have led me to ask God daily for His help in trusting Him, and as a result, I've begun to rejoice in the fruitfulness I see all around me. Aside from the pregnancies at work, I have two close friends expecting babies, and two of my former youth group girls (who are now married and in their 20s). It has been so amazing to see this women go from teens to mature adults. As well, last Wednesday, I noticed that a pair of bluejays have built a nest in our front yard tree, so I anticipate baby birds in the coming weeks (or months?); for me, it was hugely comforting to know that there is new life on our property even in the midst of a week that felt lifeless. We are planning a vegetable garden, so we anticipate growth and new life in our own backyard. God is alive, and He is good.
All of this made me want to write a post on how frustrating it is to field so many fertility-related questions, but then I remembered that I already did that before. In the midst of this crazy week, I happened to read a post by a woman named Heather that made me tear up. Please take the time to read it and be reminded why this topic is so difficult for many women (and men), and why questions on family planning can strike a nerve. I've said it before, but this doesn't mean we can't be open with our friends and ask hard questions; it does mean, however, that you should think twice before asking a personal question to someone you've only met on Sundays in the church lobby. On top of fertility struggles, there could be marital issues, health concerns, financial situations, or other issues that are keeping couples from starting a family, so please bear this in mind before you ask what seems to be an innocent question. Just to clarify, this is NOT the case with us at present, but I am well aware that could be in the future, so I'm sensitive to the issue.
Anyway, this past week's frustrations have led me to ask God daily for His help in trusting Him, and as a result, I've begun to rejoice in the fruitfulness I see all around me. Aside from the pregnancies at work, I have two close friends expecting babies, and two of my former youth group girls (who are now married and in their 20s). It has been so amazing to see this women go from teens to mature adults. As well, last Wednesday, I noticed that a pair of bluejays have built a nest in our front yard tree, so I anticipate baby birds in the coming weeks (or months?); for me, it was hugely comforting to know that there is new life on our property even in the midst of a week that felt lifeless. We are planning a vegetable garden, so we anticipate growth and new life in our own backyard. God is alive, and He is good.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come
that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10
Friday, 19 April 2013
We Just Can't Stop Looking
I've been rolling these thoughts around in my mind all week. I'm still not sure of them, or how they will come out. I apologize in advance if there is a lack of clarity here.
On Superbowl Sunday, my husband and I were flipping channels during the (really boring) pre-game commentary, and ended up watching part of the movie Chicago. I love the music from that show and have listened to the songs many times before. This time around, however, it was the underlying theme that got my attention and coloured my watching of the Superbowl later on. If you've never seen it, Chicago is about crime, prisons, and the press in the 1930s. The accused are all women who are guilty of murder, but who catch the public eye because of their glamour and their enticing stories. You get a picture all through the film of a public that is both intoxicated and disgusted by crime and criminals. They feign horror, but they just can't look away.
This week, it's been all Boston, all the time on the news. Of course, I believe that what happened in Boston was downright terrible, gut-wrenching, and disgusting. This past year I've been realizing that whether it's been Sandy Hook Elementary School, Boston, or even Beyonce at the Superbowl*, it seems we just can't look away. Every story is taken to the saturation point. We are all saddened by the death of the elementary school children, but I don't know why we have to see the same images over and over again, or read the life stories of every person that died. They died. Let their loved ones mourn and let's stop staring at the TV.
It's hypocritical since I just recently wrote all about my love for Facebook, but I can't stand social media during weeks like these. Why must we all change our status to, "My heart goes out to Boston," as if that makes a difference? Call or email your loved ones in the Boston area if you will, but there's no need to share it with everyone else. Why do I feel heartless for not posting articles of the carnage that everyone already knows about? (Yes, I know I'm posting about it here, but this is where I process things and share my heart.)
It angers me that every tragedy gets skewed into sound/Twitter bites to support or decry a given cause or political movement. Yesterday a sort-of-relative of mine posted a "quote" (very much out of context) from Justin Trudeau that made it sound like he was sympathetic to the Boston bomber. I'm no big fan of Trudeau, but this seemed so disgustingly uncalled for that it made me temporarily want to quit Facebook altogether. The death of innocent people should NEVER be used for political gain. Sure, it may be a catalyst for change, but that's not the same as using it as fodder against your political enemies.
I don't know where I'm going with all of this, other than a call to common sense and decency. Let's mourn with those who mourn without having it in our faces all the time. Let's stop using death and carnage as a political tool. And let's try to make the world a better place. Thanks for "listening" and letting me process. :-)
*I included Beyonce here because the whole Superbowl show saga fits in with this theme. We all know Beyonce likes to dance and flaunt it. It shouldn't surprise anyone that she did exactly that at the Superbowl. Instead of just turning off the TV, a million people decided to tweet, post, etc., about how scandalous it was. People are dying every day in Syria, while Americans (and Canadians) are more preoccupied with a racy dance show that they could have stopped watching at any time. Sigh....
On Superbowl Sunday, my husband and I were flipping channels during the (really boring) pre-game commentary, and ended up watching part of the movie Chicago. I love the music from that show and have listened to the songs many times before. This time around, however, it was the underlying theme that got my attention and coloured my watching of the Superbowl later on. If you've never seen it, Chicago is about crime, prisons, and the press in the 1930s. The accused are all women who are guilty of murder, but who catch the public eye because of their glamour and their enticing stories. You get a picture all through the film of a public that is both intoxicated and disgusted by crime and criminals. They feign horror, but they just can't look away.
This week, it's been all Boston, all the time on the news. Of course, I believe that what happened in Boston was downright terrible, gut-wrenching, and disgusting. This past year I've been realizing that whether it's been Sandy Hook Elementary School, Boston, or even Beyonce at the Superbowl*, it seems we just can't look away. Every story is taken to the saturation point. We are all saddened by the death of the elementary school children, but I don't know why we have to see the same images over and over again, or read the life stories of every person that died. They died. Let their loved ones mourn and let's stop staring at the TV.
It's hypocritical since I just recently wrote all about my love for Facebook, but I can't stand social media during weeks like these. Why must we all change our status to, "My heart goes out to Boston," as if that makes a difference? Call or email your loved ones in the Boston area if you will, but there's no need to share it with everyone else. Why do I feel heartless for not posting articles of the carnage that everyone already knows about? (Yes, I know I'm posting about it here, but this is where I process things and share my heart.)
It angers me that every tragedy gets skewed into sound/Twitter bites to support or decry a given cause or political movement. Yesterday a sort-of-relative of mine posted a "quote" (very much out of context) from Justin Trudeau that made it sound like he was sympathetic to the Boston bomber. I'm no big fan of Trudeau, but this seemed so disgustingly uncalled for that it made me temporarily want to quit Facebook altogether. The death of innocent people should NEVER be used for political gain. Sure, it may be a catalyst for change, but that's not the same as using it as fodder against your political enemies.
I don't know where I'm going with all of this, other than a call to common sense and decency. Let's mourn with those who mourn without having it in our faces all the time. Let's stop using death and carnage as a political tool. And let's try to make the world a better place. Thanks for "listening" and letting me process. :-)
*I included Beyonce here because the whole Superbowl show saga fits in with this theme. We all know Beyonce likes to dance and flaunt it. It shouldn't surprise anyone that she did exactly that at the Superbowl. Instead of just turning off the TV, a million people decided to tweet, post, etc., about how scandalous it was. People are dying every day in Syria, while Americans (and Canadians) are more preoccupied with a racy dance show that they could have stopped watching at any time. Sigh....
Friday, 1 March 2013
The Joys of Home Ownership: Water Meters
When we moved into our house, I swore that after over a year of house-hunting, I would never ever complain about it. And for the most part, I haven't, but sometimes it does have its challenges.
First off, the water meter. I remember when I was a kid, sometimes a friendly man would knock on our door to read the meter. This seemed to happen with regularity in the "old days". Now, however, it seems that since moving in, we have regularly received mail telling us to read our OWN meter. I called several times to explain that I didn't know where the meter is, only to have someone explain that it's SO easy to find. So I searched and searched, with no luck. Finally in November, I phoned and after waiting on hold for half an hour, explained that I absolutely needed to have a meter reader come by. Isn't that what we pay taxes for? When he finally came a week or so later, what was the result?
...
...
He couldn't find the meter!
Actually, after combing through the furnace room and glancing over most of our basement, we discovered that it's at about shin-level in our laundry room. The only problem is that because of renovations by the previous owner, the meter is accessible from a square opening in the wall that is considerably lower than the meter. The only way to read it is to use a camera and contort your arm so that you can take a photo of the meter from above. Except you need to have the flash on, since it's so dark inside the wall.
I thought this chapter was closed, since I mailed in the little slip with the meter reading on it. Alas, no. Yesterday we received another letter, saying that our reading was out of date. Did the slip get lost in the mail? I tried in vain to figure out how to get a photo of the reading, then I turned to Plan B) Call the utilities company and complain about how they lost our slip. After sitting on hold for over 10 minutes, all the while googling photos of water meters, I decided to have another go at it. This time I was successful and decided to enter the reading online instead of chancing the postal system again. And after 17 minutes on hold, I never did speak to a customer service agent. Sigh... The end result is good though, as we are way under their estimate and will probably have a few months free. I took a long hot shower to celebrate. :-)
These are the things no one tells you about when you buy a house! Good thing it's so worth it.
PS I'm off to a winter retreat with our church youth group this weekend, which will likely involve lots of fun, but not lots of sleeping. Please pray for us!
First off, the water meter. I remember when I was a kid, sometimes a friendly man would knock on our door to read the meter. This seemed to happen with regularity in the "old days". Now, however, it seems that since moving in, we have regularly received mail telling us to read our OWN meter. I called several times to explain that I didn't know where the meter is, only to have someone explain that it's SO easy to find. So I searched and searched, with no luck. Finally in November, I phoned and after waiting on hold for half an hour, explained that I absolutely needed to have a meter reader come by. Isn't that what we pay taxes for? When he finally came a week or so later, what was the result?
...
...
He couldn't find the meter!
Actually, after combing through the furnace room and glancing over most of our basement, we discovered that it's at about shin-level in our laundry room. The only problem is that because of renovations by the previous owner, the meter is accessible from a square opening in the wall that is considerably lower than the meter. The only way to read it is to use a camera and contort your arm so that you can take a photo of the meter from above. Except you need to have the flash on, since it's so dark inside the wall.
I thought this chapter was closed, since I mailed in the little slip with the meter reading on it. Alas, no. Yesterday we received another letter, saying that our reading was out of date. Did the slip get lost in the mail? I tried in vain to figure out how to get a photo of the reading, then I turned to Plan B) Call the utilities company and complain about how they lost our slip. After sitting on hold for over 10 minutes, all the while googling photos of water meters, I decided to have another go at it. This time I was successful and decided to enter the reading online instead of chancing the postal system again. And after 17 minutes on hold, I never did speak to a customer service agent. Sigh... The end result is good though, as we are way under their estimate and will probably have a few months free. I took a long hot shower to celebrate. :-)
These are the things no one tells you about when you buy a house! Good thing it's so worth it.
PS I'm off to a winter retreat with our church youth group this weekend, which will likely involve lots of fun, but not lots of sleeping. Please pray for us!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
32 (Sigh...): A Post in Which I Get Real
I had a birthday this week, and am now
32 years old. Sigh... It was a good day of relaxing, going for a
run in beautiful weather, doing errands, and a surprise dinner with
my husband. (I thought we would have to postpone as he is on-call
this week.) He also gave me a Kindle, so I am in the process of
downloading lots of books (mostly free!) from my reading list, and
also of eating my words, as I have been known to proclaim loudly that
I would *never* give up physical books. :-)
I had mixed feelings looking forward to
this birthday. It was exciting as it would be my first birthday as a
married lady, hopefully the first of many. I imagined the joy of
Gil being the first person I would see on my birthday, and looked
forward to that morning. On the other hand, my feelings are mixed as
I find myself deeper into my thirties every year raises the pressure
I feel to start a family ASAP.
When I was young, as any young child, I
did not understand why adults would be upset about their birthdays.
What's not to like about having your own special day? Now I kind of
understand that frustration. It feels like I am constantly being
bombarded with reminders of declining fertility in the thirties.
It's on the news, it's in my inbox (usually from news sites), and
it's in conversations with other women around my age. My mom has
been hinting for a while now that she'd like a grand-child, and
mother-in-law asked us right after our honeymoon when we would have a
baby! Even my brother-in-law recently asked Gil when we going to
give their mom a grandson. (Seriously? Is Downton Abbey and we need
a male heir?) Talk about pressure!
The thing is, I don't think any of this
pushing is helpful. There are lots of great reasons to have a child,
but “got tired of my mom's nagging” and “all my friends were
doing it” are not among them. Honestly, when I read another scary
article or undergo an interrogation, it doesn't make me trust God
more. Instead, I feel as though I need to get on it and have a baby
while I'm still young enough for God to bless me. That's not
the heart of the God who gave Isaac to Sarah, and Samuel to Hannah.
I'm not saying it is wise to postpone childbearing and expect a
miracle, but I am saying that we need to be careful not to use
biology to put God in a box. It makes me sad that some people are
not giving us the freedom to enjoy these first months of marriage
without the pressure of starting a family right away (let alone the
freedom to make our own decisions). I know friends who have started
families young, and many of them took a lot of flack for being young
parents, but I do believe that those of us who marry older also bear
some stigma as well. Can't people just mind their own business
sometimes? Not only that, but we all need to mind our words and make
sure we are not being insensitive. We never know all the details of
another person's life and struggles.
I just want to clarify: I have no
issues with discussing these things when I'm with close friends. If
you are my friend (AKA you know my last name, we have had
conversations in places other than the church lobby, etc.) PLEASE
don't be afraid to ask me about my hopes and plans. In fact, I love
talking about pregnancy and babies, as it helps me get read for
if/when it finally happens. I don't mind casual joking about having
a baby if I know it comes from someone who genuinely cares about me
and not just my ovaries. I just don't need the constant reminders
that I'm getting older.
Okay, end of rant. :-) Thanks for reading
and letting me be vulnerable.
 |
| Ah, the days when birthdays were angst-free... and bowl haircuts were all the rage. |
PS While am not endorsing this movie
in its entirety, any discussion of the unhelpful things people say to
unmarried/childless women is best illustrated by this clip. Seriously makes me laugh every time.
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
Venting Online
Arghhhh! It's been one of those days (actually two days) when everything seems to go badly. I've been having issues with my cat, issues with unexpected bills, issues with organization. It feels like the house is a mess, and we are still trying to figure out how we will organize our paperwork so that we can actually find things. (When I lived by myself, I was incredibly organized with accordion filing systems, but it seems my husband likes to use the kitchen table...)
I kept wanting to go on my blog to just vent my frustrations. How come our security system is so finicky? How come I can't find anything? How come I'm not working, which would at least cover some of these unexpected bills? How come this is so frustrating?!
This isn't the first time I've been tempted to rant online about something that bugs me. Why is it that I feel like pouring my emotions out into cyberspace will solve the problem? Sometimes it's helpful to vent to a friend (or spouse), but more often than not, it just inflames the situation. People offer their own frustrating stories, and then we are even more angry! Not only that, but at what point does personal venting turn into finger pointing and even slander? I certainly don't want to write a post complaining about our security system, only to find the company suing me for libel. To sum it up: Is venting online helpful or harmful? What do you think?
I kept wanting to go on my blog to just vent my frustrations. How come our security system is so finicky? How come I can't find anything? How come I'm not working, which would at least cover some of these unexpected bills? How come this is so frustrating?!
This isn't the first time I've been tempted to rant online about something that bugs me. Why is it that I feel like pouring my emotions out into cyberspace will solve the problem? Sometimes it's helpful to vent to a friend (or spouse), but more often than not, it just inflames the situation. People offer their own frustrating stories, and then we are even more angry! Not only that, but at what point does personal venting turn into finger pointing and even slander? I certainly don't want to write a post complaining about our security system, only to find the company suing me for libel. To sum it up: Is venting online helpful or harmful? What do you think?
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen,
slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
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