A couple of weeks ago, I took the
opportunity of my husband being out of town to go to Ottawa and visit
with some friends. I was also looking forward to attending my (beloved) former church... and I was not disappointed. The teaching
that weekend was really challenging and relevant to where I have been
at recently. The sermon talked about finding lasting satisfaction in
God. Our pastor mentioned some surprising statistics, noting that in
surveys on happiness, Canadians and Americans rated fairly low levels
of happiness and satisfaction. In fact, Americans were even
surpassed by countries with much lower standards of living, such as
Nigeria and Afghanistan! With everything that we have in this
society, we are not happy, and I wonder how much this is related to
our expectations about life. We expect a life of comfort, one in
which our work and home lives are meaningful, and we obsess over the
many options and choices we have. Instead of making us happy, we are
miserable because we feel like things could be better than they are.
The pastor also noted that Christians who look for happiness in
external things, even good ones like work and family, will be
especially miserable. Our spirits know that we could be experiencing
deep satisfaction in God, yet we are disappointed because our
spouses, our families, our jobs, etc., cannot provide as deep a
satisfaction.
This gave me some food for thought, and
while I was pondering it, I decided to attend the Sunday school class
with the youth group that I used to serve with. The awesome youth
pastor PJ was in the middle of a series of Sundays on Alex and Brett
Harris's book Do Hard Things. I don't know if I expected to
be impacted much by the talk, because the book is written for
teenagers, but PJ gave me a lot to think about.
I haven't actually read Do Hard
Things, but the basic premise of the book is that our society has
really low expectations of teenagers, basically assuming they will
spend 10+ years being lazy and irresponsible before
settling into adulthood. (Obviously, there are families in which
this is not the case, but this is the general view presented in the
media for sure.) Alex and Brett Harris argue that teenagers need
something to strive for, and that they are at a place in their lives
where they are able to take chances, to throw themselves into causes,
and to do hard things. It's not about doing things just
because they are hard, but to seek the tasks God would have for them
and then do them; to make a difference. In so doing, they will have
to fight against the expectations of their elders, their peers, and
even themselves that they should be focusing on their own enjoyment
for this period in their lives.*
I'm (obviously) not a teenager any
more, but this talk really impacted me. I started thinking about the
expectations society has for me at this point in my life. It didn't
seem like they were particularly high either: get a decent job, focus
on my new home, take some vacations, have kids in a couple of years.
These are good things, but it seems like the expectation is to be
always wanting more. People expect us to upgrade our home every so
often, to get new cars every few years, to focus on
comfort and on materialism. Not only that, but it seems that no
matter what we have, it is totally normal to whine about it:
Complain about how kids don't obey and their extra-curriculars are
expensive, about things our spouses say or do, about the costs of
living and the upkeep of a house, about how tired we are from
working/raising kids/taking vacations. We live in a culture where
the overall expectation is to be unsatisfied and self-centred! I
don't think very many people outside the church would expect me to
throw myself into meaningful service, or to continue to
practice a frugal lifestyle, or to try to find real satisfaction in
God and in extending grace rather than complaining. Thinking this through really encouraged me to keep
asking myself, “What does God expect of me? Am I more concerned
about God's expectations for my life, or society's? What
expectations have I internalized rather than taking a good look about
whether they are in fact distractions?”
PJ also stressed that if we are not
spending time with God and trying to live out His commands, we should
not expect to know what hard things He has for us. That really hit
me hard. As I mentioned in a previous post, I feel a bit like I'm in
the desert lately, knowing that there is something ahead for me, but
unsure what that is. In truth, I have not been spending nearly
enough time in prayer and reflection. How can I expect God to reveal
open doors if I don't even have my eyes open?
As a reaction to this, I decided to do
a (not so) Hard Thing. I took a good look at how much time I spend
online. I'll often start reading sites, blogs, etc., in the morning,
and end up spending ages online. Then I'll do it again in the
afternoon. Since I'm at home a lot, the internet can eat up so much
of my time, and honestly my time with God gets postponed. Sooooo,
I'm not ready to quit the internet altogether, but I've started a new
rule: I have to do my Bible reading and prayer time first, and for
the month of May, I will limit myself to half an hour in the morning,
and another 15 minutes in the evening. (This will not include
checking my email as I get it on my smart phone, or any things that
arise out of necessity, such as checking my bank balance or finding
an address on a map.) I'm really hoping this will cause me to focus
my time on God, as well as on other tasks that are getting pushed
aside. I want to be accountable in this task, so if you do see me or
talk to me, please feel free to ask how it's going. I'll try to post
a few updates on this blog as the month goes on.
What about you? What expectations do
you feel society has for you? Are you challenging them?
*As I noted, I have not actually read
the book, so if you have, please let me know if there are some
inaccuracies in this description.
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