Home!

And just like that, we're back.  It's hard to believe 10 days went by so quickly.

I'll do a bigger post or two on our trip over the next week or so, but wanted to touch base and say that Gil and I are home safe and sound after a fabulous vacation.  As a bit of a teaser, here are a couple of shots from our trip.

Gdansk by night

Our view of the pitch at the first game we attended.

Highlights from the trip were:
--Crazy soccer fans!  The Irish and Spanish are nuts!
--So many castles and churches
--Food.  I didn't expect to enjoy Polish cuisine that much, but real pierogies are delicious and my husband enjoyed eating *many* variations of pork.

...And We're Off!

I'm excited to announce that Mrs. Doctor Dear will be on hiatus for the next two weeks or so, because in just over 24 hours, Gil and I will be boarding a plan to Europe!  We'll be spending 8 days in Poland, checking out a couple of Euro 2012 matches and otherwise touring around the country.

Today,  while I was watching Germany beat Portugal 1-0 (whew, that was a nail-biter!), I began to reflect on my love of soccer.  I first got into soccer during the World Cup 1998, when I was working part-time and would watch games with my brother on off days.  It was while studying abroad in 2002, however, when I fell in love with the "Beautiful Game".  Watching games in pubs in Germany, surrounded by fans in full gear, I couldn't help but get drawn in.  10 years later, watching soccer still takes me back to when I was young and able to just throw myself into loving life, even though some areas of my life were stressful and hard.  My friends and I would coordinate our shirts so that we covered the three colours of the German flag, and then ride our bikes in formation on our way to the pub to watch a match.  (Yes, we were that crazy cool.)  This afternoon as I checked into facebook and read my friends' updates, it felt a little like we were watching the game together, even though we were scattered in all corners of North America.

Gil and I had the amazing opportunity to travel to South Africa during the 2010 World Cup, and so watching soccer also reminds me of that first time away with Gil, and how it was really the first time I knew for sure that we were going to get married one day.  (It only took him another year to finally ask!)  All that to say, soccer brings back many happy memories to me, and I'm looking forward to making some more with my husband in the next two weeks.

With my girlfriends in Germany, wearing matching Michael Ballack jerseys

Germany fans in Durban, South Africa, 2010

Anyway, I'll check back in two weeks time, and until then:  Los geht's, Deutschland!!!

On Being a Housewife

I've recently come to grips with the fact that I may be a housewife. I don't even know when that sets in. Apparently, couples are still considered “newlyweds” up until their second wedding anniversary, but how long do I have to be out of the workforce before I'm officially a “housewife”? A few times when I've talked to someone over the phone (like at a bank or something) and they ask for my profession, I stumble and eventually elicit a response like, “Oh, so you're a homemaker.” Because my husband is a doctor, being “at home” is presented like a very normal choice for me. I'm guessing if he worked at Tim Hortons, I would be seen as “looking for work” rather than a “housewife”.

Maybe I am hung up on semantics, but the term “housewife” is a bit difficult for me. I am very supportive of women (and men as well) who stay at home to serve their families. I admire Stay at Home Moms and Work at Home Moms. I just have trouble reconciling myself, as a non-mom, with not working.* After so many years of needing to work to pay the rent and buy groceries, it feels almost wrong to be buying things without my own income, despite the fact that though my husband is fine with supporting us. Even though there are benefits to being home, I just feel a bit lazy, no matter how hard I try to use the time wisely.

One of my issues is that I feel so unprepared to be a housewife. I have this image of a housewife/SAHM, some sort of a June Cleaver type, and it's not me. I don't enjoy cleaning (though I do it anyway, don't worry). I don't particularly like cooking unless I'm doing it with Gil or with a friend. I'm fairly certain the supposed female trait of wanting to decorate has evaded me all these years, as I have zero desire to flip through a magazine like House and Home, and still don't understand what Pinterest is. I would rather study Chinese than think about home design.

In my most honest and vulnerable moments, I'll admit that this makes me feel like a defective woman, and a bad wife. What happened to my x-chromosomes? Did they get bent or something? There are moments when I feel like a double-disappointment: I've failed as a “girl power” independent women by being out of work for so long, but I'm lousy at being a conservative homemaker. I try to laugh about it, but it cuts right to the heart of who I am and what I was made for. I've mentioned before that I am in a desert place these days, trying to figure out which direction to go. I'm blessed to have a supportive husband, but some days it's hard. I didn't realize how much of my self-image was wrapped up in what I did: The woman who paid of her student loans in two years, who bought her own home at 27, who worked hard and yet was busy almost every night serving at church, attending Bible studies, and seeing friends. It's hard to find the me that's inside all that wrapping, and it's hard to redefine my own worthiness.

One thing I've learned though, is that things that are hard are worth doing, and that it's important to think and pray through these issues now, rather than finding another cloak to wrap myself in and having the same issues resurface in a few years. So please pray with me as I continue on this journey, and as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. :-)

Addendum: I wrote part of this post a few weeks ago, and have been adding to it for the past couple of days. This morning's reading took me to Judges 4, the story of Deborah and Jael, which is one of my favourite chapters. I guess God thought I needed a reminder that women can be godly in non-traditional roles!

 *Just to specify:  I haven't for sure decided not to go back to work, but at present I need to face the reality that I'm not working and do not know when I will be.

Settling In

Hi friends!  After a few heavier posts, I thought it might be time for a brief update on how our lives are going and how we are getting settled.  I'll post some photos of the new house at some point, but for now there are a few areas that need to be organized, so that'll have to wait.

First of all, we LOVE the new place.  Or at least, I love it and Gil seems happy here (he is generally a mellow personality and probably wouldn't use the word love unless referring to me or perhaps to the Liverpool Football Club).  While my husband works so much that he doesn't have much time to enjoy having a yard thus far, I am loving the fact that I can sit out on the porch to read. 

I'd have to say, though, that living in a house has been a humbling experience for me.  Gil and I are realizing how much we don't know.  We've both been grown-ups for a long time, but have lived primarily in apartments and condos, so are just beginning to realize we need help.  We do not know how to operate our gas lawn mower.  I don't know how to take care of a garden or even how to start one.  It's pretty embarrassing to have someone say, "You do know that you have to water your grass, right?"  (Except that today it is pouring, so nature's taking care of that for us!) 

It is also humbling to have to take things slowly.  I have moved many times, and I generally like to get everything set up ASAP.  With this home, I'm realizing that I need to take my time and be sure about where things will look, rather than just jumping in.  I am setting up a home, rather than a temporary lodging.  Fortunately, we like the paint colours that the vendors used, because we don't know much about painting either!

In sum, we are thankful to God for providing this home, and thankful for the learning opportunities that have come with it.  And even though the house isn't photo-ready, here's one picture of our peonies that bloomed last week:

The S-Word: Part II

(If you missed Part I of this series, please check it out first to get caught up.)

 

As a Christian woman, it's hard to escape the word submission in the Bible. It's there. It's in Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and again in 1 Peter 4, and because I trust the Bible, I can't just ignore these passages and pretend they are not there. Here is what I've been learning and pondering on marital submission.

First of all, let me explain what I have been taught regarding this issue, so that we are on the same page. I know there are other strains of thought within different denominations, but this is what I've learned in my church. As I mentioned in Part I, when dealing with submission, we need to be cognizant that there are various areas of our lives in which we submit (e.g., to authorities, to employers, to parents, to each other as Christians, and ultimately to God). As well, submission of the wife to the husband is a part of the larger context of their interaction with each other and with God.

It is also important to note that while women are called to submit, men are instructed to love and protect their wives (also Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 4). Submission should also be offered willingly: The Bible tells men to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and Christ does not force the church into submission. If this relationship works as it should, submission should be joyful, as our husbands are acting out of love. Of course, this does not always go smoothly, because we are all sinful. Most of the time, if I have a non-submissive heart (to God, others, or my husband), it is not because I am being asked to do something wrong or unpleasant, but because I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. There are cases where abuse is involved and makes submission difficult and even dangerous; if that is your situation, I would encourage you to get help. For me, however, as for (I hope!) the majority of people I know, that is not the case and bringing up abusive submission is more of an excuse to avoid submitting than a legitimate reason to question these passages.

What submission means to me, is that my husband gets to be the “tie breaker” when we are at loggerheads. It means respecting his decisions as the head of a godly household. Now, my husband is a loving and intelligent man. He respects my opinion, and usually asks for it. We are normally able to talk through areas where we see things differently, and to come up with a compromise. Because Gil values what I think, I feel comfortable bringing up issues even when he has not asked for my opinion, but I try to do this with love and not to force anything on him. As in the case of submitting to the authorities, although I may seem to “lose” by submitting on a single issue, I also gain in the long run, because our marriage will be built on biblical principles and should also have less of the conflict and resentment that result from power struggles and un-winnable arguments. Gil and I will also gain because our relationship with Christ will be deeper as we obey Him.

As you can see from the above, what submission does NOT mean to me, is that I have no opinion or that I cannot raise opposition to something my husband has said, suggested or even tentatively decided. I do feel, however, that I should raise my issues in a way that shows respect for him as my husband, rather than being rude or acting superior. What submission also doesn't mean is that I get to criticize, say “I told you so”, or avoid responsibility. It's true that if my husband makes a decision against my advice, the outcome is not my fault, but that is not an opportunity to gloat or make him take care of the consequences on his own. The reality is, if I make a stupid decision, I am likely the first one to realize how wrong I was and to feel badly about it. If it is a sinful decision, the Holy Spirit is sure to convict me about it. I should be able to let the Spirit work in Gil's life if he makes a bad decision, rather than trying to take God's job from Him!

I promised to share a story with you, so here goes: As you may recall, a few weeks ago we had to postpone our move. Well, two days prior to the planned moving day, we discussed 1 Peter 4 in my Bible study. Like many a young wife who has recently gone through premarital counselling, I felt pretty secure in my understanding of submission... theoretically at least. Of course, God decided to test me on this! The following day, Gil told me that he did not think we could move on Saturday due to some joint pains. I was pretty upset, and presented what I thought were a few options we could look into rather than postponing. After he left for work, I realized that instead of fretting and mentally complaining, I should probably turn to prayer first. I also read my Bible study notes on submission. As this was going on, I started to see this as an opportunity to gracefully submit to my husband's decision. I was moved by these verses from 1 Peter 3: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” My husband is a believer, but what if the best way I could help him grow in faith was to living out godly submission? Am I prepared to do that? What if God was trying to teach him through this experience, and my selfish attempt to grab the reins was going to keep Gil from learning and growing? I started to think about a couple of areas where I think he needs to grow (and trust me, I could write a mile-long list of growth areas in my own life so this was not a pick-on-Gil session). Tears came to my eyes as I thought about how much more important it is that he has the chance to seek God in those areas, and the fact that I had been more focused on temporary comfort than in my husband's spiritual life. In the end, as you know, we were forced to postpone the move due to circumstances out of both of our control, but that whole day I felt at peace, and was so glad to be able to greet the moving news with acceptance rather than complaining.

I'd love to hear your questions or comments on this issue? As a new wife, I am still learning about this, and trust that God will show me lots more in the future! What have you learned about submission over the years?

The S-Word

Wait, no not THAT s-word! I'm talking about Submission. You probably like that word even less. :-)

I've been thinking about submission lately. In part, that's because we've been looking at various epistles during Bible study, and the topic came up at least twice. God really taught me a lesson on submission through one week's study, but you'll have to wait for my next instalment for that story. :-)

I am in no way trying to write a treatise on submission. There are far better articles and books on that for you to read if you are interested. I would, however, like to touch on some ways that God has called me to submission lately, and helped me understand it better.

When this subject comes up, we tend to camp out on marital submission. In some sense, that is understandable, firstly because personal relationships tend to be closest to our hearts and take up a lot of our attention, and secondly because the issue tends to grate on us (see Genesis 3!) so we like to discuss it just as we like to discuss other topics that get us engaged. However, marital submission is only part of the Bible's overall teaching on submission. We are all called to submit to God, to our church leaders, to our employers (or masters if we are slaves), to our governments, and to each other.

What I find interesting, is that while I and other women can get quite offended about having to submit to a husband, I am – cheerfully or not – living out submission all the time in my daily life. Practically every time I go out of my house, I am subject to the authorities of my city, province, and country. When I drive on the road, I submit by obeying the laws (er, most of the time...) and when I buy something in a store, I submit by using legal tender and by paying tax. I may grumble at times, but I do accept these things as a given. Of course, you could argue that I submit because of possible punishment (see Romans 13); however, not to go into too much John Locke, most of the time we submit as part of a mutually beneficial relationship. I obey traffic laws because if everyone does, it keeps us all safer on the roads. I pay taxes, but I am okay with that because sometimes I profit from them personally (like getting tax returns), while other times I reap the benefit of living in a stable country with modern infrastructure.

I could go on and on about how we also submit to church authorities, our parents, our employers, etc., but I won't, because the main thing to remember is that all of this submission is part of our overall submission to God. God is our authority, so we submit to the authorities He has set up (Romans 13:1). Every day, even people who do not believe in God live somewhat in submission to Him, because He created the world and the conditions in which we live. He created time and the laws of physics, so really even my existence at this moment is in submission to His will. He decided when and where we should be born, which determines a lot of the factors of our lives, and He sets up government authorities.

As a Christian, of course, I am called to live a life of deeper submission. I am called to show my love for God through my obedience to His Word (e.g., John 14:23). I also show this submission by talking to Him in prayer and asking guidance. While God does not have to reward me for doing this (because it's what I should be doing regardless), He does so in the ever-increasing blessing of knowing Him better. Of course, one of the areas He asks me to obey is in the area of marital submission, which I will cover in my next post.

Long Weekend

Now that we're settled into the new house, we were able to spend the long weekend enjoying lovely weather and relaxing... sort of.  In fact, Gil worked all day yesterday and part of today, and I wrote a Chinese test over the weekend.  Other than that, though, we took some time relax, have a Saturday-morning brunch, attend a friend's barbecue, go out to a Thai restaurant (I'm seeing a food theme), and just generally enjoy the time.  Here are some images from our weekend:

My brother's kitty came to stay with us for a few days. 

I love this photo, as it kind of seems like he's laughing or really surprised. 

We have peonies about to bloom beside our garage.  So pretty!

Today I spent a lazy afternoon reading on my front porch.  It was delightful. 

Happy Victoria Day!